The Three Laws of Business

No freebies. No backsies. GTFO.

Removing the Limits on Incompetence

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A little known fact about Moore’s Law is that average developer incompetence doubles every twelve months, easily outpacing any hardware developments. Your shitty staff phonebook gets its own server, then its own database server… pretty soon you have a bunch of blades, extra aircon units, and an ESX consultant balls deep in your accountant.

Not that anyone gives too much of a fuck – they have many times the pretty blinking lights for their money.

X to the motherfucking Zee

Everyone is happily pissing money up against a wall until CTO Monthly publishes an editorial describing how some Fortune 500 that nobody has ever heard of saved a fat wad of cash with Cloudy Computoring.

The technical staff will drool over on-demand linear scalability. Management is popping boners because capital expenditure gets rolled into ongoing support. You are going to migrate your shit into the goddamn cloud, and yo, that sounds cool as fucking shit, dawg.

I heard you like failing, so we put your shared hosting in a cluster so you can fail while you fail.

You Better Get Ready For the War

The developers will be the first to feel the butthurt of migration into the Cloud. The shitty API that you will be forced to use will be limiting to perform even the most basic of tasks. Then when you get everything working it will run like utter crap. You see, you’ll be sharing these services with people with huge budgets and tiny skills.

The natural evolution of your provider is towards oversubscribed services and you being outbid for the runtime you need by porn and gambling sites. Having limitless power on tap means there won’t be an upper limit on how much of it developer incompetence can eat up. This will only drive up resource consumption and cost. Soon a third of the world’s energy will be powering cartesian products and List.Find.

I guarantee epic lulz when some companies get their first bill for CPU cycles on these new deployments. People are assuming they will get infrastructure for nothing, and they are about to meet our very good friend, the First Law of Business.

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Written by 3laws

July 8, 2009 at 8:05 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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