The Three Laws of Business

No freebies. No backsies. GTFO.

There Are Wrong Answers

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From the veritable shit-storm of financial fail the world has sailed into, you would think that managers would have some degree of skepticism towards hippies peddling messages of happy inclusion.

It seems like every damn company is forcing its employees to join hands and attend “team bonding” days, and recite mantras on how there are no wrong answers, everyone is equally valuable, and we are a big happy family.

Handle My Balls

I had the misfortune to attend one of these days. I would’ve claimed to be sick, but the event being held at a pub gave me misguided hope. We spend eight long hours drawing happy thoughts on whiteboards and throwing small rubber balls to each other. Afterwards I felt even more hatred towards the goddamn idiots who actually thought this crap was beneficial. There was no beer.

Still, I got paid – and discovered which of the female employees had the best ball handling skills. What kind of idiot would pay contractors to come on one of these courses anyway?

We Don’t Need No Education

Most answers are wrong. To some it seems like there is plenty of right answers. If this is due to the question being not specific enough then apply the backhand liberally. Otherwise you probably should not be pretending to know what you are doing and giving people solutions that I’ll invariably have to come in and fix. Fuck you.

Texas Instruments made a shitload of cash after training its sales staff on aggressive techniques. The Art of War was mandatory reading. Survival in business doesn’t come from prancing around like a bunch of fairies and giving your co-workers an ego-reacharound over their stupid ideas. People learn from mistakes. Let them know when they have made one.

If you can crush egos before they develop, then your business will run smoothly.


Written by 3laws

July 6, 2009 at 5:18 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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