The Three Laws of Business

The people who try to break these laws all follow the same story. These people generally have a half baked business plan and no idea how to implement it. They then shop around for the cheapest possible person who is happy to call themselves an expert. They are noobs, and they hire more noobs. After burning through most of their budget and with no end in sight they start to worry. Worry turns to desperation; and there can be no excuses – the project must be saved!

Then they turn to us, the Pros. It is our job to hold their hand through the sunset of their business. It is our advice that they choose to ignore while we drain the remaining life out of their budget. We are like the grim reapers, our invoices the scythe culling those weak in skills. They will lose their money to someone, and it may as well be us.

These are the Three Laws of Business. Noobs attempting to break these cause much fail. Fail causes noobs to attempt to break these harder. Its a vicious cycle, with you at the center. Ride it and profit!

1. No Freebies

There will be offers from those who can’t afford your services. They will all be ways of offloading their risk onto you. If your bank won’t lend you the money to pay my bill, then why the fuck do you think we will?

You get paid.

2. No Backsies

They always want to change the agreement. They’ll try to reduce your rate, try to get on the same pathetic contract as their regular staff, extend your hours, cut your lunch break and benefits. Its playground shit, and the title reflects it. Want to change the deal? Get back to the negotiating table.

3. GTFO

Our skills are always in high demand. We are not like your permanent staff who will suck up your transgressions with slight whining. Try us, we’ll be at a new contract within 48 hours.

You can always give the finger.